You’re Not Behind
& Why Rushing is NOT the Answer
Firstly, if you do feel behind, know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I see you, I feel you, and I 100% understand. I have felt this feeling myself, and many of the 1:1 coaching clients I have worked with have also navigated this experience and the unwanted associated emotional intensity; that overall unwanted mixture of urgency, scarcity and panic.
While it is super valid and I appreciate it if you sometimes feel behind and panicky about the future, I can say with confidence that you are NOT behind.
I have felt it; in the pit of my stomach, weighing heavy on my heart, or circling in the back of my mind, asking for attention. It can trick us into thinking we are behind, but I promise you we’re not!
In this post, I will share not only why I fundamentally believe you’re not behind but some suggestions to support you to move through this feeling for yourself, to release some of the weight and begin to find moments of clarity and move forward with confidence.
Why I think it’s BS that “You’re Behind”
I have said it before, and I will say it again and again: the world we live in, the capitalist profit-making machine that lays the foundations for most of the systems within which we live, is BUILT on perpetuating the idea that we are not enough, that we haven’t done enough, that we aren’t productive enough, and that we are BEHIND.
Brene Brown talks about how we regularly associate productivity with self-worth and how exhaustion is all-too-often rewarded as a status symbol. This is the example consistently set for us and the expectations that can easily infiltrate our thinking on what matters most to us.
How Does Glorifying Exhaustion Show Up?
Managers commending staff who work unpaid overtime
Answering the question “how are you” with a list of how busy you are, and someone responding with an attempt to seem even busier.
GUILT or feeling you have to defend taking time off
We are SO conditioned to think within this framework that we sometimes don’t even recognize when it’s happening. These day-to-day tendencies can easily creep into our bigger picture thinking, and in doing so, they keep us busy, rushing from one thing to the next.
Most importantly (or problematically) these pressure and expectations for hyper-productivity keep our deepest wishes, our most passionate callings, or biggest dreams on the back burner, at the bottom of our list, never getting the time and attention they truly deserve and in doing so, building this antsy, cyclical uncertainty. But I am so over glorifying exhaustion.
I have felt this myself, and I have witnessed it when my coaching clients have said things like:
I would fill my schedule up even when I didn’t have to because I thought that was the only way I could get the work completed; I would bully myself into it.
I would send emails to university programs or looked at job opportunities I knew weren't quite right for me as I was convinced that, compared to all my friends and colleagues, I was behind.
I felt frantically interested both in everything and nothing at all.
I was on a five-year cycle of leaving a job from a place of panic, recognizing I hated it, running into something else because ‘anything was better,’ but then the same thing would happen again a few years later.
Once again, I do NOT think you are behind, but rather the two main things I believe are happening:
We are being bombarded with messages that we're not enough, consistently from all directions in society, primarily for someone else's profit or gain, whether in the form of our productivity (time) or financial investment (money).
We are SO BUSY we do not, cannot, or have not, given ourselves the time and space to let the things that matter the most to us grow, take shape, feel messy and imperfect and unfold AND get us to the place of calm, clarity, confidence and trust.
So How Do We Stop Rushing?
So if rushing isn’t the answer, and is instead a byproduct of a hyperproductive capitalist society that is keeping our dreams squashed, and at the bottom of our priority list, what do we do? I feel it is first important to distinguish between making choices from a place of POWER vs PANIC.
Let's start with a simple example that is much easier to wrap our heads around! Imagine you are in a pharmacy, and you are perusing the skincare aisle. You see a new product and are considering buying it. A quick question you can as yourself is: am I making this choice from a place of power or of panic/lack/scarcity/fear? In other words, am worried my skin is going to get too wrinkled or am I wanting to spoil myself and feel loved and cared for? It could be the same product, but the choice to purchase it comes from a VERY different feeling.
Zooming back out to our life direction, we ideally want to move in a direction because it supports us to feel excited and motivated each day, rather than from a place of fear that we’re settling, or being stagnant.
When non-stop is what we are used to, when we finally have a moment to calm down, it can be INTENSE. But there is a significant difference between being complacent or stagnant and slowing down to be thoughtful and intentional about your next steps! I have a feeling that deep in the pit of your stomach, you will be more than able to distinguish between the two!
These brief moments of pause or intentional space you carve out for yourself can be the turning point in stopping the treadmill from go go go and starting to move forward with calm, clarity and confidence.
How to get to this place of POWER and intentional action?
Slow Down
The biggest thing I will always say, over and over again, is to give yourself the gift of intentional time + SLOW DOWN.
Intentionally slowing down supports us to:
Distinguish between decisions from a place of POWER vs PANIC
Gain clarity and connect to deeper needs
Move forward with calm, steady confidence
So outside of pausing for a moment when you are in a skincare aisle, what can we actually do to make this happen for ourselves?
Journal
My biggest recommendation is to journal. Having a journaling practice supports you to give space to the things that weigh heaviest on your heart or circle at the back of your mind, sometimes keeping you up at night. Journaling is not a diary, where we recount the day-to-day happenings, but rather a place where you can breathe life into the things that feel important to you or work through things that feel sticky.
Some questions to support you to make the most of your journaling time include:
What is my heart asking me to acknowledge?
What ideas have felt way too far-fetched to speak before?
What does an ideal day look like for me?
How do I want to feel every day?
What am I doing when I feel most alive or my best self? How can I create more space for this?
If/when the rushing, panicky feeling creeps in, you can ask yourself:
Is this something I truly CARE about or is it something I feel I SHOULD be doing?
Be extra mindful of those sneaky societal expectations that creep in. SHOULD is often a red flag! It's more than okay if you do care about some of the same things that society tells us to, but it's also wonderful to be able to acknowledge where these expectations sneak in without us noticing right away.
These questions aim to support you to find clarity. They give space for your innermost desires to come to the surface rather than taking action from a place of panic. And in doing so, build calm, steady confidence that you are not only headed in the right direction but a trust that it will unfold in the way it is meant to!
Simple Isn’t Always Easy, Be Kind to Yourself
With all this said, while it may sound simple, giving space to things we have quietly kept in the back of our minds, sometimes for years can feel scary. I encourage you to meet yourself with kindness and compassion.
When you are doing the above deep reflective work, to breathe life into your heart's truest desires, your subconscious mind will often try to get you to unspeak all those truths!! Even just writing them can feel scary and vulnerable.
If you can, create a safe space to connect with and listen to yourself. What this looks like will be unique for everyone. But some activities might include meditation, yoga, walks in the woods, bubble baths, a solo date at a favourite coffee shop, things that bring the feeling of calm and comfort.
In a nutshell, I believe that between societies incessant influence to push us to be hyper-productive and the lack of time and space we are then able to give ourselves, the unsettled feeling of being behind often comes from minimizing or not prioritizing our own dreams, desires, callings etc. Giving yourself space to listen to your deepest desires not only quiets that sense of panic but supports us to live in a way that helps us feel calmer, clearer and more confident every day.
Please know that I share my experiences, learnings, and what has worked for me, with the hope that these perspectives and suggestions will support you to build a life you feel more excited, clear and confident every day.
If this post has felt supportive for you, it would mean the world to me if you shared it with a friend or let me know your thoughts, always happy to receive both questions and comments! ♥
