Simple Practices to Amplify Joy
We tend to think about joy in grand moments: weddings, holidays, festivals etc. But I would like to invite you to reconsider the magic of simple moments in our day-to-day life and the power they hold to building more joy overall.
Over the last year and a half, many of the big plans we made have either been postponed 15 times or cancelled altogether. And even though things look like they are heading in the right direction, holding onto or putting energy into planning something BIG can feel emotionally precarious and daunting!
During the first few months of the pandemic, I was lucky to fall into a Mindfulness course with the Sanctuary. While there was so much incredible knowledge shared, the teachings on gratitude stuck with me. They were a major support for me to continue to find hope and foster joy in a time where this felt super challenging
In recently listening to Brene Brown's Audiobook The Power of Vulnerability, I was reminded of the power of gratitude to transform our perspective and our lives. While I recognize that gratitude does not make challenging moments disappear, I truly believe practicing gratitude can support us to gain the energy we need to move through those challenges.
I wanted to share some of the things I have learned and provide some suggestions, for how you can easily incorporate gratitude practices into your day-to-day life.
Why is Gratitude Important?
Many factors influence our joy, but practicing gratitude is one of the most simple and powerful opportunities to amplify our joy. For myself and many of my clients understanding why supports us to make changes in our lives.
So, why is gratitude important? Here are two reasons:
We have a Negativity Bias!
What is a negativity bias? Dr. Rick Hanson’s work explains that through our evolution, as humans, we are pre-disposed to prioritizing negative memories. Historically, this was to avoid re-living a life-threatening negative experience. But, with the present volume of experiences we move through in a day (think 10 min scrolling through Insta alone) clinging primarily to negative experiences can cause a great deal of stress and anxiety.
For example: if you were to have 15 lovely things happen in a day, but someone cuts you off in traffic and gives you the finger, sends a passive-aggressive email or shouts at you, THAT is going to be the memory that naturally stands out the strongest. To this effect, Hanson explains that our brains automatically convert negative thoughts from short to long-term memory. Whereas positive experiences, which historically were not linked to our survival, do NOT automatically become part of our long-term memory.
In the simplest of terms, Hanson says that: "the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones.”
While this may initially seem bleak, there's great news. Despite our negativity bias happening on a subconscious level, with practices like GRATITUDE, (or in Rick Hanson's words, "turning toward the good") we can shift this bias.
Practicing gratitude, intentionally remembering positive experiences or taking moments to soak them in can rewire neuropathways. It can take short-term memories and make them long-term. Why does this matter? Instead of positive experiences washing through us like a sieve and tilting our perspective of the world toward the negative, they will become part of our implicit memory. While this does not make our negative experiences go away, it does give us more energy, perspective and support to move through life's challenges.
To turn toward the good, or to practice gratitude, increases our resilience, confidence and happiness.
2. To Feel Joy is to be VULNERABLE!
Brene Brown, the queen of all things vulnerability, speaks to the relationship between joy and vulnerability in her audiobook, The Power of Vulnerability. She explains that with our collective propensity toward a scarcity mindset, we FEAR that these beautiful little moments of joy we experience must be finite or fleeting.
In other words, when our joy starts to peak, we imagine all the things that could go wrong, to beat the bad thing to the punch. To prepare for it, to be ready, to protect ourselves from harm. The logistic, thus follows that if we do this, we will not be weak, but rather will instead be ready for the suffering that will *inevitably* follow.
An example she gives is of a family driving along, merry and jolly singing Christmas carols together in a film and then the next shot pans to -- she leaves a pause -- and nearly everyone in the audience imagines a car crash. Brene Brown calls this tendency foreboding joy.
Unfortunately, despite our subconscious tendency, no matter how many terrible outcomes we imagine, they will not support us should any of them unfold; they are merely just robbing us of our joy!
It is much more helpful to try and trust that you are capable of troubleshooting any challenge that comes your way. Alas, this is much easier said than done, but two steps Brene Brown highly recommends to curb the tendency toward foreboding joy are:
Trying to catch yourself doing it!
If in that moment, you can recognize *ah I am foreboding joy* or I am catastrophic thinking, this perspective alone can massively relieve the intensity of the fear you may be feeling
Practicing Gratitude
Unsurprisingly, the thing Brene Brown says stops our propensity toward catastrophic thinking its tracks entirely is gratitude. She explains simply saying to yourself: “I am grateful for ______” can immediately calm you.
She adds that the more we can do this, incorporate gratitude practices into our lives, the more our joy grows, and the less we sabotage our joy from a place of fear.
Simple Opportunities to Incorporate a Gratitude Practice
So now that we understand the power of practicing gratitude, what are some of the practical ways to incorporate a gratitude practice into your day-to-day life?
And I say PRACTICE on purpose because this is not a box we tick once, pat ourselves on the back and move on, but rather this is a life-long practice, a slow burn of learning to get comfortable with moments of joy and supporting them to grow.
The classic gratitude journal
Write a few things down each day, often first thing in the morning or before bed.
Dinner time chat,
Have everyone around the table (or the couch!) share one good, enjoyable, or lovely thing that happened to them that day.
Home from work/ school first question
Similar to above, but on entry into the home, rather than during dinner
List on the fridge/ coffee table
This one is a personal fav, it's like the journal but shared by members of the household and left somewhere you can see it often. I like to write the month on the top of a big piece of paper and list the days down the side. We usually do a few days at a time while drinking our morning coffee!
Thoughts before bed
As you lay down, merely bringing to mind 1-3 lovely things that happened in the day.
Soaking in the Good
When you catch yourself smiling, or notice something that makes you feel happy, try closing your eyes and breathing in the full wonder of that moment, they say it only takes 20-30 seconds to commit the moment to long-term memory.
It helps you create short videos of a picture from every day, I find this one super helpful with the added component of video as it helps me remember that there are so many wonderful moments I am lucky to experience. It's also super nice to watch them back on down days or share them with loved ones far away.
Please know that I share my experiences, learnings, and what has worked for me, with the hope that these perspectives and suggestions will support you to build a life you feel more excited, clear and confident every day.
If this post has felt supportive for you, it would mean the world to me if you shared it with a friend or let me know your thoughts ♥
